Part One "Convos with my kiddos"

 

I don’t know about you but sometimes my kids say the craziest stuff. Let me take you through a journey of stupid, silly, and downright crazy crap my children have said to me over the years. Just keep in mind that I have three girls ages 16,14 and 10, and two boys ages 14 and 9. Mom how do you clean the oven?” (My child)

1.   “Mom how do you clean the oven?” (My child)

“It has a self-clean thing on it, why?” (Me)

“So, you just clean in yourself?” (My child)

“Please go away.” (Me)

 

2.   “I wish I was white” (My child)

“You are part white.” (Me)

“No, I wish I was full white” (My child)

“Why do you wish that?” (Me)

“Because then I can eat all the lemons I want, and I’d be rich” (My child)

“Please go away” (Me)

 

3.)     “Mom, can I get a robot for Christmas?” (My child)

“Are you serious, it’s April” (Me)

“I’m just letting you know early, so you’ll be ready” (My child)

“If you don’t get out of my room right…” (Me pointing at the door)

 

4.)    “I’m hungry” (My child)

“Well dinner will be done soon” (Me)

“Yeah, but I’m really hungry. I need something like now” (My Child)

“I think you can wait a little while for dinner to be done” (Me)

“Oh, great, so you want me to starve” (My Child)

“Get out of my kitchen” (Me)

“See you want me to starve” (My child)

 

5.)    “Are you putting onions in dinner” (My child)

“I always put onions in this when I make it” (Me)

“So, you hate me then” (My child)

“What?” (Me)

“You hate me, and you want me to starve” (My child)

“Get away from me, now!” (Me)

 

6.)    *As I’m writing this list*

“This is so much fun to write, I’m remembering all the dumb things you guys say” (Me)

“Who me?” (My child)

“Oh yeah, you’ve given me quite a few whoppers before” (Me)

“What, like the food?” (My child)

“Go away….” (Me)

 

7.)    “Why did you wait till the last second to do your homework?” (Me)

“I don’t know” (My child)

“If you did a little every night you wouldn’t have to rush to do it Thursday night.” (Me)

“Or I could not do it at all and tell my teacher I forgot it at home.” (My child)

“Go do your homework…NOW!” (Me)

 

8.)    “Mommy I’m full, can I be done?” (My child)

“Yeah, throw away what’s left and put your stuff in the sink.” (Me)

*Does exactly what I said (somethings up) *

“Can I have a snack?” (My child)

“You just said you were full” (Me)

“I was only full of dinner.” (My child)

“Go play.” (Me)

 

9.)    “Mom, can I stay home today?” (My child)

“Why, what’s wrong?” (Me)

“Nothing but I’m really tired” (My child)

“So, you’re not sick” (Me)

“No…” (My child)

“Go get ready for school…now” (Me)

 

10.)  “Mom I’m thirsty.” (My child)

“Get some water” (Me)

“I’m not that thirsty” (My child)

“Then bye” (Me)

 

11.)  “What’s today?” (My child)

“Saturday” (Me)

“AAHHH, I don’t wanna go back to school tomorrow” (My child)

“Well good thing tomorrow is Sunday” (Me)

“And…. what’s your point?” (My child)

“Maybe you should go to school tomorrow” (Me)

 

12.)  *All five of them are playing around in the kitchen while I’m trying to cook dinner*

“Everyone, get out of the kitchen, NOW!” (Me)

“Oh no Mom is glitching again” (Child 1)

“Loo out, I think she just emoted” (Child 2)

“If you don’t get out of…” (Me)

*They all run different ways laughing as they leave*

 

13.)  “If you’re early you’re on time. If you’re on time you’re late. If your late don’t show up at all” (Me)

“Is that why you never go anywhere?” (My child)

“Get away from me” (Me)

 

14.) *This one is for my sister*

“Can you believe they have all this Halloween stuff out already” (My sister)

“Why do you say that?” (Me)

“Because we haven’t even had Christmas yet” (My sister)

*Walks away* (Me)

 

15.) “Mom why can’t you have dairy” (Child 1)

“Because it upsets my stomach” (Me)

“It’ll make her shit herself” (Smart ass child 2)

“Go away, like seriously go away” (Me)

 

16.) “Mom when you were little was everything in black and white?” (My child)

“What do you mean, like the TV?” (Me)

“No, like when you looked around, was everything in black and white?” (My child)

“What the hell. No, everything was NOT in black and white. That doesn’t even make sense.” (Me)

“Well, when did everything become color?” (My child)

“Go away, just go away.” (Me)

 

17.) “When I was younger, we couldn’t fast forward through commercials” (Me)

“Through what?” (My child)

“Commercials” (Me)

“What’s that?” (My child)

“You know, like Ads” (Me)

“That really sucks, and your TVs were in black and white” (MY child)

“How old do you think I am?!” (Me)

*P.S. I was born 1988*

 

18.)  “When I grow up I wanna be rich” (My child)

“What are you going to do to get rich?” (Me)

“Umm…get money. How else do you get rich?” (My child)

“Never mind, go be rich. Good plan” (Me)

 

19.)  “Oh my God mom is singing Drake” (My child)

“Yeah, and?” (Me)

“How do you even know that song?” (My child)

“You guys play it all the time while I’m in here cooking” (Me)

“Yeah, but you’re not allowed to sing it” (My child)

“Go away” (Me)

 

20.)  “Its crazy how you all made fun of what I wore as a teen but now it’s in fashion” (Me)

“Like what?” (My child)

“Umm, like bell bottoms” (Me)

“No those are flairs” (My child)

“Same thing” (Me)

“Don’t say that or I can’t wear them anymore” (My child)

“Why not?” (Me)

“Because then it won’t be cool anymore” (My child)